Tuesday, July 18, 2006

The Shonga Awards: Candidate No. 2

To be honest I did not expect a contribution from the viewers this early, but here it is, the first! A viewer who will remain anonymous for obvious reasons sent the following story.

But before that: if you are a fan of Jessica Zafra from waaay back, you may remember an Arnel Salgado, he of “The Fireless Inferno” ummm, fame. Don’t remember him? “She was beautiful like the flowers consumed by fire, her love was sweet that made me suffer from diabetes, she was warm I almost felt the heat of her caress now. Her lips were smooth and her tongue was very luscious like the meat of a beef.” Now you remember! Anyway, this next candidate may not just be a candidate for the Shonga Awards, he may very well be a candidate for a scholarship to the Salgadian School of Literature.

Candidate No. 2: Mr. Copy All

This guy was already going to retire after so many years in a particular company. On his last day, he sent the following email to his officemates:

Guess it’s time to bid you adieu! My stay with our valued company is nearing its end this month so, I’m in a kinda swirly feelings now. Is it true I’m leaving (name of company) after (x) good long years of hard work, perseverance and dedication? Ha, ha, ha ! a funny feeling sets in to me. But I do love this company and my fulfilling history with it...................“It has taken my youth !” Ha, ha, ha ! Bet you know my feelings are at this very moment, Hooooh! (Teary eyed # * @ ö ! ) This is really HARD !

To my Staff, indeed you gave me a headache. But I know you’ll agree that we learn a lot from each other. And truly I valued all the support and your dedication to your work. It will lead you to greater heights if you always strive for performance.

It has been a SWELL experience working with you. All my encounters with you have been a learning process that have enriched me and I give you my gratitude.

* * * * *

Okay, okay, okay, take a deep breath now. Yes, that’s it.

Now, bad grammar is not really stupidity; it’s more a lack of education. But what elevates this guy to the Shonga Awards level is that he sent the email to everyone, as in everyone, in the company. If you’re going out with a bang, make sure it’s the right kind of bang.

Which leads me to offer you, my dear viewers, a good rule of thumb to live by: Before you press the ‘Send to All’ button on your email, THINK x NUMBER OF TIMES before you do; “x” being the number of people who will receive said email.

So, ladies and gentlemen, Candidate Number Two!

As an exercise, I attempted to edit his letter to be more reader-friendly and professional without taking out the "drama" spirit he wanted to emphasize. Unfortunately, I ended up having a headache just by thinking how to rearrange his first paragraph without taking all the sentences out and replacing it with another "economized" one.

I wish that this person who sent this letter is not in the upper management level of the company.
PUNKS: I am amazed you even got to try rearranging it. I had a headache just reading it! :-)
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