The McVie Show Season 4

What can one do if one’s attracted to someone who’s already attached? (Of course the assumption there is that there is mutual attraction; if it’s just one way, then the solution is simple—get over him, fast.) If there’s mutual attraction when one or both parties are already taken, that’s a problem. That’s my problem.

What are my options?

1. Take the high road and let go. Why go through the head-and-heart ache?
2. Become fuck buddies. Of course this presupposes that he’s also amenable to this. Otherwise, forget it. There are subsections to this option:
a. Be fuck buddies without the boyfriend knowing about you. Again, there are two possibilities for this to happen: either [i] they’re in an open relationship, but their unspoken rule is “Never let me know when you’re on the prowl”; or [ii] you’re fucking a two-timer.
b. Be fuck buddies with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved. This means they’re in an open relationship—a very liberal, open relationship. In fact, they may even invite you to a threesome if both partners take a fancy to you.
3. Make plans to ruin their relationship. Make sure you never get caught. Then when it’s over, you step in, with matching wine glass on one hand and pa-sway-sway of hips and a very throaty delivery of the line, “Whell, whell, whell!” Of course, karma will get you in the end, one way or another. You will go to the seventh level of Hell for this one.
4. Wait for their relationship to die a natural death. You will get the Mother Teresa Award for this one. In fact, the Lord may just decide to do a Job on you and not allow the two of you to ever consummate your love here on earth. You’ll end up on your deathbed with him looking to your eyes and you thinking, “Maybe in the afterworld, let’s go crazy and party like it’s 1999.”
5. Mope. Feel sorry for yourself. Bewail the fate handed to you by the gods, the God, Fate, whoever or whatever higher power, being or energy you can blame. But do nothing else.

And you know what the most hilarious thing about all this is? This has happened to me more than once. Argh.

Eenie, meenie, minee, moe. What to do, what to do. Nu-nee-nu-nee-nu-nee-nuuu.