Tuesday, February 14, 2006

My Funny Valentine

Some wayward thoughts:

* * * * *

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Some poems rhyme,
This doesn’t.

* * * * *

I wish one day I have enough money to buy a farm in a nearby province, like Tagaytay or Pampanga. I’d build a villa there, and open it to the public as a bed-and-breakfast place, ala-Sonya’s. But it’ll be exclusively for gay men. Couples will be the obvious target market, but the place will also accommodate groups of more than two. Room-hopping won’t be discouraged, so long as there’s an agreement with everyone concerned. Discretion is the better part of orgies.

I will call that place: Casanova Villa.

* * * * *


It started back in 1997. Backstage at the Rizal Mini Theater during the run of Makbet, the coupled cast and crew members were all a-buzz with Valentine’s Day preparations, discussing publicly their plans for that day. This irritated most of the single people in TA. When the singles started discussing this irritating habit of PDVD (public display of Valentine’s plans) coupled with PDAs in the dressing room, they decided to use codes: “cowboys” for couples, and “indians” for individuals. (It was briefly suggested that, to be able to use the word “singles” instead of “individuals”, the code be changed to “Sikh Indians” but this suggestion was met with a stony silence.)

One day two single members, Miren A. and Joy P., came up with the idea for the singles of TA to have a group date on Valentine’s Day. Thus was born the First TA Indians Party, held at Shakey’s Katipunan on Feb. 14, 1997. It was exclusively for TA singles; couples or members with significant others were banned from the party, which really wasn’t a problem because they had plans of their own that night.

The first few Indians Parties consisted of lots and lots of pizza, chicken, beer and catty chats. While the Cowboys were away, the Indians would talk about them endlessly. Couples were assessed one by one according to: [1] compatibility; [2] sustainability; [3] peace-to-conflict ratio; [4] presence or absence of sexperience between the two; [5] number of windows broken in the RMT; [6] tendency to violence and the improper use of a hammer and saw; [7] other factors. Also discussed were the romantic possibilities of certain Indians at that time—whether they’d remain Indians by next Valentine’s or cross the line and become Cowboys.

Eventually coupled TA members were asking to be included in the Indians Party. So the party was expanded to “Cowboys and Indians Party” with a caveat: couples must refrain from excluding themselves from the group as if they're in their own world. Otherwise, they face the wrath of Indians who are just itching to scalp wayward Cowboys.

* * * * *

The Cowboys and Indians Party is actually an insidious way for TA singles to get back at the tyranny of couple-hood. Since there are always more singles in TA, the C&I parties end up a riotous event. The couples feel excluded from all that fun. But if they try joining, they’re put in a dilemma: Aren’t they supposed to be spending that time with each other?

Being partnered with someone is a good thing. But once in a while people should realize that it has set-backs. Since couples often act like the rest of the world doesn’t exist during Valentine’s Day, maybe we singles of the world should toss them off during the day of hearts.

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